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| WHy do you do this to me ?MAke me feel im the world and then take my heart ....why do you hold it so unthoughtfullly as it beats and bleeds ?Why is it I end up hurt evrytime , even when i try to avoid it?here i am pouring my life my love trying to tell ou ...to make you understand why I did this to you....finallly i get a taste of my poison and it makes me realize what ive lost......I started out alone and thats how ill end up ...my love you have killed me.....now let me be so i dont have to live this sad story anymore... | | |
| finally, havent been on this crap in years....welll, months.So I have my list of best friends and it's all good because now I know who I can tell things to and who I cant because once upon a time someone told me that " You need to stop spreading yourself too thin." . Obviously this person really cares about me because I cant make everyone happy , that's not my job , I have to be myself and everyone can take it or leave it.I also found that I have a need to express my thoughts and feelings and say them out loud even if they might offend some people. Like I said I care and I have to be open at the same time. My friends are the people I know that have been there for me and some more than others but even though I dont hang out with them too often I know that I'd still be their friend and they'd still be mine in return. These are the few trsted and select people that are my best friends . I'm finally getting it , my friend list is depleating because Im finding out whose a friend and whose just an aquaintance. Theres a difference , I'm not begging anymore , if you want to be my friend you let me know because I'm not going to waste my time and set myself up for another letdown. Ive also gained courage to say things back to people instead of just being quiet and thinking it. Im developing a voice...Hah how funny. I guess the naieve person that couldnt really trust because she learned otherwise is now learning that its okay and some people you can and a whole lot of others you cant.Wow epihany much , eh?No more walking over me , no more ...no more. Ive obviously couldnt take it anymore and it took me a breakdown to understand what i must do. Plus the added guidance of therapists.People in the world might not understand why i cling to others ... and I do . Thats all i need to know . I cling because I didnt have real trust or family .I trusted the world so it would compensate for the emptyness. I didnt trust the world because I figured hey , if my own mother cannot be trusted why should strangers be an acceptance. Now I realize it cant be so black and white , I shouldnt trust evryone and i can trust a small selection of people ...very small . And that's a good thing. This is what adolecense is all about , learning. Figures , thats what they all said and turns out yeah it's really shitty and hard to learn. The years have past , time to move on ...it'll take time and it'll happen. I just gotta live though it and i'll be okay.Thanks to those select few and the therapists. Thanks to my mom and stepdad for showing me what not to do . And thanks to me ..(hah- finally some self love ) for going through it all and gaining such wonderful knowledge , acceptance , and a voice that will be heard weather certain people like it or not. | | |
| i was watching for the love of a child on lifetime
and it just reminded me of everthing ive been through
so decided to write a little something about it
she sits there hiding in her corner....hiding with the shadows ,crying with all of her being ...wishing to be somewhere else...she is being consumed by her abuse , they only give her a straw to breathe from as she is burried alive , poor baby , she takes a razor to her arms and legs after a night of alcohol to escape , the hole in the tree gets darker and deeper ..she trembles, her body quakes and her heart races with the fear and the hate and the sadness ....i wish someone was there to reasure her , i wish it hadnt taken so long ...and i hope that someday i can help some poor soul that aches no matter how hard it is to remember. | | |
| HAPPY LIFE!!!!screw this whole freakin "happy only on holidays" crap!!get happy and be glad ur alive !who knows what can happen tomorrow !!!!so get with my vibe !!evn tho he broke my heart into pieces when he said he liked me .i guess i knew from the start it wud nevr work .maybe its my silly imagination that told me to give it a go...but i went and now im back where i started ...guys i cant stand to be heartbroken , one thing that always happens ...OH WELL im crying now but im trying to get over it , just like i always have to do ....what a fuckin bitch, life is!!but you know what im not gonna stay emo BECAUSE I WILL ONLY ALLOW MYSELF TO BE SAD FOR ONLY A FEW SECONDS ! like i said who konws whats gonna happen tomorrow ?for all i know , i might not even awaken from my slumber to greet the sun with my smiling eyes .to shout hello in the hallways or to even have a voice,hell , everything in life worth living for might be gone and it would be sooo hard for me to keep on going ...but thats why i have this song on ...well imma go get happy !!
peace n love , peace n love !!lmao (brings back memories ) | | |
| LOVE
How can no one else see she is the glow of the sun ?? Her skin ,like the richest butter from france .Her eyes, brown like the luscious chocolates from belgium .Oh , how I melt in those eyes , the pools of which I would drown if she ever gave a glance at me .Can you feel the warm everglow , radiating from whithin her heart ? No!All you see is something contradctory to what the angels have sent !I say it is a test , it is not about how beautiful she is , but of how ugly you are!She is something good in this world .So what if she is a sexual person !!! She's extroverted and has a vibrant personality .She is a child of Venus , loving , beautiful , and sexual...If you dont like something about her , thats your problem !!!!If you want her , you have to accept the whole package !Not only the good , but the bad too ...THATS WHAT LOVE IS !!!!!If you cant handle the heat - stay out of the kitchen !!(this is also my writing , plz dont steal )
Love ~Cindy~ | | |
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